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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. However, she's often caught off guard by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of her social circle disappeared during that time, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She made more effort to be my friend, likely realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many close to her have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we have each retired so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to many times and resided in for some time. My intention was to provide personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She purely solely sought validation of her plans. I've just ended 30 days in that country she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. It should be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Next is to express the way it makes you feel. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel belong to you, of course. The third step is to ask how the two of you will alter the pattern of your friendship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore your concerns, for those who hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a story about themselves they won't abandon because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present defensively then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides satisfaction that you've been truthful.