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This year represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the words this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's reply is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating enigma and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {